I have been terribly self-indulgent lately.
Wallowing in the misery of my comfortable, employed, well-fed existence. Wailing about having to drive to work when I would rather be creating some art and making money from that, while having the time to watch the cabbages growing.
My uncle once told me that all one could ever expect out of a job was 10% enjoyment. The rest was solid, hard slog. I always thought that was a bit pessimistic. I always thought that if you worked really hard at something you loved you would become great enough at it, that you could make it your job. I still think that’s true, but there are a lot of other factors too. One of which is that repetition makes what you love less enjoyable. Doing what you love for a living can break your spirit too. And you need people to want to exchange money for what you do. You are SO lucky if that happens. If it all synchronises you are thoroughly blessed.
I have been thinking SO much about how to turn things around. Listening to the universe and listening to my own heart about what it is that brings happiness. I’m still listening, and have no answers, but that’s OK. One thing that I have begun to realise in a really powerful way is that people who manage to grasp their dreams do it by working their arses off. By coming home from their day jobs and working into the night on what makes them sing. By working for nothing for themselves. By talking to everyone about what it is they do, and by doing it well.
It’s true – your reap what you sow.
A few years ago I made a modest income from my art. I sold fairly well, and worked very hard for the sales. Then I made a huge hook turn and creating a new life was paramount. Life is good. Great actually, and every day is a joy, but I do feel like I’ve let myself down in not keeping the art trajectory at an even pace. I start. I stop. I go bake something. I renovate a room. Get a cat. Some chickens. Clean up the house which is in complete disarray. there seems very little time for art.
Yet I watch the TV and sit complaining that there’s nothing on it worth watching.
So – universe, I’m now declaring that I’m giving it another red-hot go. I’m prepared to work like mad, and put myself out there again. I’m even ready to diarise dates, get less sleep and talk to people I don’t know yet. I’m getting excited.
I’m off to work on my website…